Jeff Bezos once made an interesting observation about stress. He suggested that stress doesn’t necessarily come from working hard. It often comes from not taking action on things we know we should be doing.
I’ve thought about that quite a bit. We all have things we know we should be doing. That difficult conversation. An important decision. Preparing for a presentation. Starting an exercise routine.
We tell ourselves, “I’ll get to it.”
And often, we genuinely mean it.
We understand why something matters. We know what needs to be done. Sometimes, we even know exactly how to do it.
Yet we postpone it.
We tend to attribute procrastination to a lack of discipline, motivation or willpower.
But I’ve often wondered whether there’s something else happening.
What if procrastination isn’t always about not wanting to do something, but about not wanting to experience how doing it might make us feel?
Two different threats. One familiar response.
A number of years ago, I had an important investor meeting.
I was transitioning from a long corporate career into the world of startups. It was a significant change, and this meeting mattered. We’d done the preparation. The numbers were there. I understood the business and the opportunity.
But as the meeting approached, I could feel the stress building.
On the day, my mouth was dry. My heart was racing. I felt light-headed.
The meeting was a disaster.
I struggled to articulate ideas I understood perfectly well.
What bothered me afterwards was that nothing about my knowledge or experience had changed. Yet my ability to use them had.
I experienced something remarkably similar during my first time in a boxing ring.
My opponent threw a jab. I saw it coming and knew what I was supposed to do.
But I froze. And took it straight in the face.
One situation involved an investor sitting across a table. The other involved an opponent standing in front of me.
One was a psychological threat. The other was physical. Yet both produced remarkably similar responses. In both situations, I knew what to do but struggled to do it. There’s an important distinction, though.
I attended the investor meeting. I stepped into the boxing ring. I didn’t avoid either situation. But what if I had the choice?
What if I could postpone the meeting or step out of the ring? Would I have been tempted? Earlier in my life I’ve done exactly that avoided it.
And that’s where the relationship between stress and procrastination becomes interesting.
When avoidance feels better than action
Stress isn’t simply an unpleasant emotion. It’s also a physiological response to situations we perceive as demanding, uncertain or threatening.
Our heart rate may increase. Our breathing changes. Our muscles become tense.
These responses can be useful. But when stress becomes intense, it can interfere with our ability to think deliberately.
Neuroscientist Amy Arnsten's research shows how stress can impair our ability to plan, think clearly and make decisions. Ironically, the very abilities we need to deal with a stressful situation can become less effective when we need them most. And when deliberate thinking becomes difficult, avoiding the problem can feel easier than confronting it.
Psychologist Daniel Kahneman popularised another useful way of understanding our thinking.
System 1 describes fast, automatic and intuitive thinking.
System 2 describes slower, more deliberate thinking.
They’re not two separate physical systems in the brain, but they help explain why we sometimes fall back on familiar responses when we’re uncomfortable.
Consider a difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding. You know it needs to happen. You may even know exactly what you want to say. But every time you think about it, you imagine how the other person might react.
Perhaps they’ll become defensive. Perhaps the relationship will suffer. So you decide to have the conversation tomorrow.
And almost immediately, you feel a little better. The discomfort has reduced. But the problem hasn’t disappeared. Tomorrow arrives, and the same discomfort returns.So you postpone it again.
Psychologists Fuschia Sirois and Timothy Pychyl have explored procrastination as a form of short-term mood regulation.
Their research suggests that we sometimes prioritise feeling better now over doing something that would benefit us later.
In behavioural psychology, this can be understood through negative reinforcement. When avoiding something removes an unpleasant feeling, that relief can reinforce the avoidance.
And the more often we repeat that response, the more familiar it can become.
We may not be avoiding the task itself. We may be avoiding the unpleasant feelings associated with it.
Of course, not all procrastination comes from stress. Sometimes we’re bored, distracted or dealing with competing priorities.
But anticipated discomfort is one reason we postpone things we genuinely intend to do. And there’s an irony here.
The response that makes us feel better in the short term can become a source of stress in the long term.
The conversation becomes more difficult. The deadline gets closer. The decision becomes more urgent.
We now have the original problem, along with the stress of having postponed it.
Can we train a different response?
I’ve often wondered how firefighters run towards a fire when everyone else is trying to get away from it. Or how trained soldiers and emergency responders function in situations that would overwhelm many of us.
It’s tempting to assume they’re naturally braver or less affected by fear. But training plays an important role. They repeatedly practise recognising threats, assessing situations and responding under pressure.
Over time, many of those responses become more familiar and automatic. It doesn’t mean they stop experiencing stress or never freeze. But within situations they’ve trained for, they’re better prepared to respond.
The distinction between System 1 and System 2 is useful here.
When we first learn something difficult, we rely heavily on deliberate thinking. We assess the situation, consider our options and consciously decide what to do. With repeated practice, parts of that response can become more automatic. What initially required considerable conscious effort becomes more familiar.
Research supports the value of this approach.
A 1996 meta-analysis involving more than 1,800 participants found that stress inoculation training, which combines coping strategies with controlled practice under stress, could reduce anxiety and improve performance.
The important insight isn’t that repeated exposure makes us immune to stress. It’s that we can learn and rehearse better ways of responding.
Now consider procrastination. If avoiding discomfort has become our familiar response, perhaps we can practise a different one.
Instead of automatically postponing something, we pause, recognise the discomfort and deliberately choose what to do next. Initially, this requires conscious effort.
But with practice, a more constructive response may become increasingly habitual.
And this is where I think we sometimes confuse skill with will.
We assume that someone who isn’t taking action lacks the motivation or discipline to do it. But perhaps they haven’t developed the skill of responding constructively to the discomfort associated with taking action.
Those are two different problems. And they require different solutions.
One Thing Worth Trying
At the end of every episode of Built, Not Born, I share one thing worth trying.
This week, it’s a simple three-step exercise.
The next time you find yourself saying, “I’ll get to it,” ask yourself whether it’s genuinely about time or priorities, or whether you’re avoiding something uncomfortable.
If it’s discomfort, try this.
1. Breathe
Before doing anything else, take a minute to regulate your physical response.
Try box breathing.
Breathe in for four seconds. Hold for four. Breathe out for four. Hold for four.
Repeat for about a minute, as long as it feels comfortable. If holding your breath is uncomfortable, simply breathe slowly, with a slightly longer exhale.
The objective isn’t to eliminate stress. It’s to give yourself a moment before responding.
2. Articulate
Write down, or say aloud, exactly what’s bothering you.
Not “I’m stressed about work.”
Perhaps it’s “I’m worried about how my manager will react.”
Be specific.
It’s easier to deal with something when you understand what it is.
3. Assess & Act
Before taking action, ask yourself two questions.
Is this an immediate problem or something that’s been bothering me for a long time?
And what part of this is actually within my control?
An immediate problem may need a specific action. A recurring problem may require a more fundamental change.
Focus on what you can influence.
Then identify one useful step. Perhaps it’s making a phone call, starting a conversation or spending ten minutes on something you’ve been avoiding.
It doesn’t have to solve the entire problem. It just needs to move you forward.
Breathe. Articulate. Act.
Try it the next time you notice yourself avoiding something uncomfortable. And keep practising.
Because the objective isn’t to eliminate stress. It’s to develop a different response to it. One that, with practice, might eventually become as automatic as the avoidance itself.
When intention isn’t enough
Perhaps the next time you find yourself saying, “I’ll get to it,” it’s worth asking a different question. What exactly am I avoiding?
Is it the task? Or is it how I expect the task to make me feel?
Because sometimes, procrastination isn’t about a lack of intention or willpower. It’s a response to discomfort that we’ve become very good at practising.
And perhaps we can learn to practise a different response.
What’s one thing you’ve been putting off that you could begin today?
This article accompanies Episode 2 of my podcast, Built, Not Born, where I explore everyday challenges through neuroscience, behavioural science and lived experience.
15 minutes. One problem. What science tells us. One thing worth trying.
The Science Behind This Episode
01 | Procrastination & Emotional Regulation
Sirois & Pychyl (2013)
Procrastination and the Priority of Short-Term Mood Regulation: Consequences for Future Self
Research exploring procrastination as a form of short-term mood regulation, where avoiding an unpleasant task provides immediate emotional relief, often at the expense of longer-term goals.
02 | Stress & Cognitive Control
Arnsten (2009)
Stress Signalling Pathways That Impair Prefrontal Cortex Structure and Function
Nature Reviews Neuroscience
Research explaining how stress can impair functions associated with the prefrontal cortex, including working memory, planning and cognitive control.
03 | Training Our Response to Stress
Saunders, Driskell, Johnston & Salas (1996)
The Effect of Stress Inoculation Training on Anxiety and Performance
Journal of Occupational Health Psychology
A meta-analysis of 37 studies involving more than 1,800 participants examining how structured coping strategies and controlled practice under stress can reduce anxiety and improve performance.